I’m pretty excited, and definitely nervous, but two months from today, I’m getting my eyeballs lasered! For a long time, I resisted the idea of LASIK, because I’m pretty squeamish about eyeballs. I mean, they’re disgusting. I wore gas permeable lenses for years because it gave me that many more microns between my fingertip and my eyeball during insertion. People told me, “it’s over fast” and “it’s not that bad” but not until my friend Bea told me she got to squeeze a teddy bear during her procedure did I really start to take the idea seriously.

So I’ve been for the initial consult, and then I got a phone call from the doctor himself approving me for it (I have a weird, gross eye condition we won’t go into here that could have meant I wasn’t a good candidate.) The other day I had my eyes dilated and deemed in perfect health (well, as perfect as they can be with my weird, gross eye condition) and I was put on the surgery schedule.

Of course I wish I could have it done sooner, but you can’t wear your contacts for three weeks before the surgery. I already signed up for a triathlon on September 27, and it would be impossible for me to complete the swim without contacts.

When I left my job at the Archdiocese, I had a bunch of money in my flexible spending account to use up, so I stocked up on contacts. Hmmm. Maybe not my best idea. So now I have to wear 9 months worth of monthly lenses in the next six weeks. I’m going to feel so RICH, just tossing them away after wearing them once or twice.

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Like that, but with contact lenses instead of dollar bills.

An amusing coincidence with the doctor I chose was that his office is in the same building as my plastic surgeon. Kind of feels poetic or something. Self-improvement via surgery and all that.

So that’s that. The surgery isn’t technically LASIK, but Intralasik, which means they use two lasers instead of a blade to oh god I can’t talk about this anymore. I don’t want to know how they do it, just give me a ton of Valium beforehand and a teddy bear.

I am sad to get rid of my Warby Parker glasses (also part of my FSA windfall from my last job) that I love, so if anyone can recommend a charity or somewhere to send them when this is all said and done, I’d appreciate that. (I wonder if any charities take contact lenses?)