Oh dear sweet heaven, help me. I might kill someone for a lousy piece of sugary goodness. Eeeeeeeeeee! Day One is hard!!! For lunch I had chicken cold cuts with low fat cheddar cheese. Must get to grocery store tonight.

I WANT SUGAR mmmmm sugary goodnessssssss!!!

Okay, here’s why I don’t want sugar…because I don’t want to look like this after my haircut on Thursday:

teeheeeeeheheheeeehee okay now I feel better.

Nice birthday. After dinner, we went to the movies and saw Casanova. It was good! The middle dragged a bit, but overall, I was pleasantly surprised.

There, I’m done being a movie critic. But I have to say, it was kind of fun stuffing myself with carbs (Smarties, Crunchie bar, popcorn, non-diet soda – dear god, when was the last time I drank a non-diet soda? But blame the movie theater for not offering non-diet, non-caffienated beverages that you can get with your “free small drink” coupon.)

Day 1 of South Beach Diet.

I wasn’t very prepared for breakfast or lunch today, since I wasn’t home last night to fix anything, but I managed to whip up a portobello mushroom and turkey bacon omelette. It tasted pretty good, but boy did I want toast with it! I have some deli meat and cheese and almonds for lunch – clearly, I need to go shopping for some fresh vegetables. After work. Promise.

The most depressing part of the morning was weighing myself. Argh. But I must be honest, so I’ll post it over on the right.

I know this is going to upset some people, but I can’t hide the truth any longer…

I’m cutting my hair on Thursday. Not a trim, either. But I’m doing it for the sick kids, so you can’t say anything bad to me about it. Think of the children, people!

Anyway, yes, it’s the typical, cliched post-wedding haircut. What can I say? I’m a sheep.

Woo. Happy Birthday to me. Birthday’s just aren’t very exciting anymore. Ah well. (And birthdays should never be on Mondays. That’s just plain evil.)

Nevertheless, my horoscope was pretty decent this morning, I thought…

Happy Birthday for Monday, January 9, 2006: You naturally make the right choices [why, thank you!], but at the same time, you might choose the easier path. YOu have a laissez-faire attitude this year that makes love, relationships, work and life in general far easier [nice…]. You also see the good in others [ha ha ha ha ha], and as a result, you bring out the best in people [tee hee hee hee]. Your creativity surges this year. Tackle that book or project. If you are single…[okay, skip this part]. If you are attached, you might re-create your honeymoon [all right! Another trip to London this year? Hmmm. Maybe they’re talking about our trip to Mexico in November?], while others [hi Jenny!] might add to their family. GEMINI [Ellie?] pushes you hard.

Interesting, yes?

Had a great birthday weekend. Since my birthday is on a Monday this year, I thought of the past weekend as sort of a “PMK Day Weekend.” (Get it? Sorta like MLK Day Weekend?) On Friday, I went to visit my mom in Baton Rouge. She bought me some books I wanted (South Beach cookbook, for one) and we went to dinner at Macaroni Grill. One last bread-and-pasta-and-dessert blowout before tomorrow’s SBD start. It was nice to spend time with my mom.

The next morning, she made breakfast while I lounged around in my wedding dress. One last time to wear it before we send it off to be cleaned!

Then I ran some errands and headed back to New Orleans. We went to the pub that night where I had the most delicious red velvet cake and hung out with my friends. One last alcohol blowout before tomorrow’s SBD start.

Yesterday, a bunch of friends came over and we had a massive English fry-up breakfast. No kidding, heart attacks on a plate. Bacon, English sausages, eggs, bread fried in butter, mushrooms and tomatoes. Yum. One last grease blowout before tomorrow’s SBD start. After breakfast, Polly and Teresa and I played Scene It. Fun! (I won.) Then I went grocery shopping to stock up on healthy foods in preparation for tomorrow’s SBD start.

Tonight, George and I are going to dinner and maybe a movie. I think it’s going to have to be a chick flick. It is my birthday, after all. And that way I can have one more popcorn-and-candy blowout before tomorrow’s SBD start.

I did make a good choice of spouse. Today I came home FROM THE GYM (yes, you read that right) and I had a new monitor on my desk! It was a birthday present and very much needed, even though I’m about to get a new laptop (I hope a laptop and not a desktop.) My old monitor was popping and crackling and generally telling me it wants to burn our house down.

Yay for big screen, but small monitor! I actually have room on my desk to rest my forearms whilst typing. I think that is important.

So it was exciting to go to the gym because when I got there, so did Polly and Colin – they joined today! And I got a free t-shirt! Hee hee. It wasn’t a surprise that they were there, Polly had called me earlier to tell me, but it was still exciting. And I got her a Sixteen Candles calendar at B&N because it is so very her. That was before I knew they were joining my gym.

Okay, okay, that’s just the wine talking. I should go. I have to eat all the candy and drink all the wine in the house before I start South Beach next week. I’m going to get this sugar monkey off my back once and for all!!!

So let me tell you what’s not fun. Getting woken up at 4:45 in the morning by your alarm going off. No, not your alarm clock. Your security alarm. The really loud one. The one that usually means someone has broken into your house and wants to kill you. Okay, or the one that means you turned off the circuit to its power and the battery died at 4:45 a.m. But still. No fun.

Speaking of no fun, I think I might try the South Beach Diet after my birthday. Anyone tried it? I am disgusting. Desperate times, desperate measures, that sort of thing. I’d go to the gym after work to start working on it, but after my 4:45 a.m. wakeup call, I don’t think I’m feeling up to it. So tomorrow. For real.

Didn’t do much yesterday, except watch George pull out our old dishwasher. (Hence the turning off of the circuit. Who would guess the dishwasher and security alarm would be on the same circuit? Not us.) That was very stimulating, let me tell you. I think the most fun part was picking up a bag of homemade tamales from my friend Terry’s house. Well, then we went to the pub, that was fun. I got to watch that SNL skit (see my last post) on a friend’s iPod.

I’m getting a new computer soon. Yay!

Am v tired. Not making sense. Must go.

This makes me giggle.

Happy new year!

Okay, so you want the Linens ‘N’ Things story? You got it…

A coworker gave me a very generous gift card to LNT. I wanted to use it to buy a featherbed, some linen napkins for Christmas dinner, and a turkey baster to aid in the cooking of my festive bird. I was perusing the site online on December 22nd when I noticed they have “in-store pickup” available. So I ordered my three items and opted to pick them up in the store near our house.

Everything’s in stock, yay! So I eagerly await my email saying the items are ready to be picked up. Meanwhile, my gift card is charged the total for my order.

No email comes, so I go to the LNT website to track my order. Everything’s been cancelled! Oh, thanks for telling me, LNT. To add insult to injury, my gift card has not been credited back the amount of my purchase. So I call up Customer Service (what a joke) and describe what has happened. The faux-helpful woman on the other end said my card would be credited within a day or two. So I figure, I’ll just go back on Saturday to get what I wanted.

But no. The card is not credited. On Monday, I call CS again and am told there is no mention of this on my order notes. I was lied to.

It’s now Thursday, and I still can’t spend my gift card. Because of a fault with the LNT crappy website, they have taken my money and won’t give it back. Possibly for 7-10 business days. They suck. SUCK SUCK SUCK.

Whew, I almost feel better now.

UP WITH BED BATH & BEYOND! DOWN WITH LINENS ‘N’ THINGS! At least an ampersand makes sense.

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. I did, my turkey was good and didn’t kill anyone. I got good loot (the massively heavy three-volume Calvin and Hobbes anthology among the gifts) and we had fun at dinner. My dressing was even better. Mmmm. Cornbread dressing. Yum.

Linens N Things will steal your money. Don’t shop there.

I cut my thumb with a new knife yesterday. They’re sharp!

Regan’s coming to visit on Friday. Or Saturday. Whatever. Yay! Visitors are fun!

I bought a new skirt yesterday for New Year’s Eve, but I hate the top I was going to wear with it. What’s a girl to do? Shop some more?

I think I’m getting a little sick. My throat was hurting this morning, but not anymore. So maybe not.

I’ll be 31 in not very long. That is kind of depressing. Here’s where the non-event birthdays really start. Blah. But that can be made up for with lots of good presents. Hint hint!

Okay, I can’t think of anything else to say. I hope that was sufficiently entertaining.

Last night I had my first episode of domesticity since married life began. I made cookies! They were quite yummy, I must say. Not too sweet, which made me feel very sophisticated.

So, tra la la, I’m making two different types of cookies, or so I think. First I make these, and then I make these, proud of myself for making two different types of cookies, when George tastes them. And asks, “are they the same?”

Well, okay, I suppose the tip-off should have been when red and green maraschino cherries (again, very sophisticated) were in both. Fine! They’re still good! (If you actually look at the recipes, you might argue that the bars have crushed M&Ms on top. But all I had were pink M&Ms left over from the wedding, and they looked repulsive with the green and red. So I left them off.)

Well, whatever. I was festive, dammit. Today I will be in search of mint chocolate chips, which I’m sure I won’t find, but I hope I will because apparently Regan made the equivalent of Christmas Cookie Crack with them.

Must finish Christmas shopping today. Must go to Linens N Things to get a featherbed because we aren’t using the heater this winter. Must go to Target to buy new Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. Oh please, I have to wean myself! Plus, now I can use the excuse that I need to help Kristina with her wedding. Oh, thank you Kristina, for getting engaged!

Oops! Sorry, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Well, I’m back in New Orleans. Working from home. Trying to straighten out the house. Not having much luck.

Bought a Christmas tree. It’s about six inches high. But real. Maybe next year it’ll be a foot tall! Hmm, this was a very wise $10 I spent. It could conceivably last forever! Of course, with my track record for plants, that’s highly unlikely. But possible.

See, I’m boring! Nothing to say.

Oooh, we went to the Saints game last weekend. Oh, yeah, that was boring too. Well, not really, but sad and pathetic. But the announcer is hilarious. I highly recommend you check out a game (I guess next year) if only to hear him talk. Good stuff.

Okay, now really, I have run out of things to say. I am trying to get together my shopping list for Christmas dinner. Carrots…cornbread mix…thyme…sage… See? Boring!