Warning: there’s a lot of pee talk here. A little poo too. So now you’ve been warned.
I’d been planning this for a while. Potty training the boys. They’re in pull-ups at daycare, and they’re using the potty pretty regularly there. At home, they’ve used it occasionally, but then again, I only put them on it occasionally. So I knew it’d be rough, but I thought they were ready, so away we went. I stocked up on Lysol, candy corn, and underpants festooned with various Pixar characters.
Day 1
I go get the boys out of their cribs. I nervously let them pick out some underpants and get them dressed. Miles pees on the floor an hour or so later.
My friend Terry comes over with her two girls to help. The girls’ job is to cheer for the boys when they have a victory. Sadly, they don’t get much of a chance to show off their skills. We have several accidents within a five minute span, including one that involves pee hitting a mirror ten feet away and my glasses. We can’t help but laugh, but I also learn if they’ve started peeing in their underpants, just let them finish in their underpants. I swear, those things are like firehoses!
It was at this point we had the only real success of the weekend. But sitting in a tiny bathroom with three toddlers on potties while reading books or showing flashcards for half an hour isn’t really a practical method of getting them to pee.
The day goes on with more accidents but also a few hard-won potty successes.
After the boys go to bed (in diapers), Terry and I go to the pub and I have a few too many adult beverages.
Day 2
When I go in the boys room, I am hit with the most horrific stench. Miles and Linus were saving up their doo-doo for Mommy. Oh my god, the horror.
Noon rolls around and Miles and Linus have had accidents but Oliver hasn’t peed at all yet. Finally, after much begging and pleading and bribing, he pees in the potty. The first and only “success” of the day. (He only made about half of it in the potty.)
We tried bribing them with the “jumpy”, but in the end I gave in and just let them jump. This was before Oliver finally peed. I swear, even jumping didn’t make him wet himself!
There are a few more accidents, but the last one was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I knew Miles had to pee, but even though he sat on the potty through practically an entire viewing of Finding Nemo, he didn’t go on the potty. It was while he was standing up and eating crackers that he decided to let loose. And he just didn’t care.
That was around 4:00, and I had enough. They weren’t ready. I was exhausted and frustrated and had done all the things I swore I wouldn’t do (begged, pleaded, yelled, got upset, got mad, threatened punishment) and so I admitted defeat and put diapers on the boys. We went to the park, got a little fresh air, and came home. For pretty much the first time ever, Miles and Oliver fell asleep on the couch, they were so tired.
So I may put them in underpants tomorrow and see what school can do. Or maybe I won’t. I just don’t know yet.
I’m tired.
PS We aren’t training them to pee standing up. Just FYI because I’ve gotten a lot of “aim at cheerios” suggestions, which makes me nauseous to even think about. But I’m sure when we do get to that point, we’ll find some other non-edible target.
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